If you want to attract an honorable lady, be an honorable man.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Review

     Third Review. I have to say, this is one of the most fascinating movies I have ever seen. Not only because of the non-stop action and adventure, but because of the absolute off the walls theory propounded by this film. Not only the most fascinating, but the most creepy, hair raising, and wild movie I have ever seen. With no further ado, lets get right to the story line.

It starts with a seemingly American army unit taking over a nuclear weapons sight, and you discover in a short period of time that is is no American unit. Enter Indiana. He and another fella nick-named Mack are dug out of a trunk of a car where then had been stashed upon capture and are told to dig out a box in a giant warehouse that only Indiana knows the contents of, but whatever it is, the contents are highly magnetic. This warehouse for years has been the resting place of all of his valuable findings.  Enter the villain: a rapier carrying, black-haired female with a heavy Russian or similar accent. She actually turns out to be South Ukrainian. Indiana, on pain of death, is forced to find the box by using gunpowder and shotgun shells to locate the box. After the discovery of this box, Indiana pulls a few tricks, almost escapes with his crate, but is thwarted upon finding his old friend Mack really is sold out to the soldiers, and is the one who got him there in the first place. He doesn't get the crate out, but does escape with his life in a mad chase though a giant warehouse stacked to the ceiling with boxes. In one interesting scene, a random box is ripped open by a passing truck, revealing the ark of the covenant. He escapes across the desert plains of Nevada after accidentally getting a lift out of there on a rocket car on wheels that propels him far into nowhere. He, in attempt to find civilization, stumbles across a nuclear testing sight - and finds out to late as to what it is. He takes shelter in a fridge and is blown sky high into the desert again, for him to stumble out battered and bruised, and regain civilization. Through some government interrogation wondering what he was doing at the nuke sight, he finds out just who the girl is. Irina Spalko, Lenin's girl-friend, is heading up his department on Psychic warfare. What she wanted this crate for, no one knows. Indiana returns to his life at the college he was teaching at, only to be kicked out after the FBI comes to the school for some snooping around. Upon losing his job, he is about to travel someplace to start anew, when he is stopped by an energetic young fella on a motorbike. His name is Mutt Williams. He knew a Professor named Oxley, who was onto a discovery of a          
     crystal skull, and a whole mystery behind it. To top it all off, Mutt's mom and Oxley are captured, and Mutt was instructed by a note from his mom to go to Indiana for help. A whole mystery develops, where fake FBI agents who are really working with Irina, are chasing Mutt and Indiana on Mutt's bike through a densely populated city. They escape their vigilance, and try to unravel this mystery. In this mystery are tied the Nazca Lines in the Peruvian desert, the disappearance of the famous Amazonian explorer Francisco de Orellana, and the question of how did "primitive" man create such works as the Nazca lines. All of these things are tied together in this mystery that Indian must unravel. Through many adventures, they discover that Oxley had discovered the final resting place of the remains of Orellana, supposedly unknown to all of mankind. When he found the remains, he also found this fascinating skull of pure crystal, but obviously not of human origin. It is too well done to be carved, but what creature would have a skull of crystal? Then to top it all off, the cranium of the skull is way to elongated. Evidently Oxley discovered this skull and an even deeper mystery behind it. Supposedly this skull came from El Dorado, the famed city of gold in the Amazon rain forest, and was stolen hundreds of years ago from that place. Whoever would return this skull would receive great riches. The confusing thing is, if Oxley discovered it, they why is the skull with Orellana? Indiana and Mutt are about to explore this further, only to be captured by Irina again. Irina at last reveals her plot. She, working on psychic warfare for Lenin, has been examining "crash sites" around the world of supposed "aliens". One of these remains happened to be in the container back at the warehouse. These remains of "space men" had skeletons of pure crystal, and she is sure these beings are from beyond the limits of our world. Indiana of course thinks the whole thing with the aliens is baloney. The reason she likes the skulls, is because of the power they have over the human mind. They supposedly activate an undeveloped part of the brain. She wants to harness this power for Lenin's idea of world domination, by taking over not only the bodies of men, but their minds as well. She is the one who captured Oxley and Mutt's mom, who just so happened to be Indiana's girlfriend from the first movie. Holding all the dice, she forces Indiana to help her on her quest, since Oxley has gone crazy by staring too long into the eyes of the skull. Indiana must help her find El Dorado (they call it a different name in the movie, but I can't remember it.) Irina is sure that Oxley is the key, since she is sure that he had been to El Dorado. Things begin to make sense to Indiana. The skull was stolen from El Dorado hundreds of years ago and was lost to man. Orellana had found it, and died with it. Oxley had then found it. Oxley had gone to El Dorado, but was unable to return the skull, so he put it back where he found it. Now, they have to decode random, nonsensical clues that Oxley is jabbering, to decipher how to get there. Through many hair-raising adventures, Indiana, Mutt, who to his surprise turns out to be his own son, and Marian, his ex girlfriend, Mack, who claims to be a double agent and is now working with Indiana, and Oxley with the skull, escape Irina and her crew and head for El Dorado, Irina hot in pursuit. Through more adventures, they find the final resting place of the skull, a round room inside layers of pyramids and temples, surrounded by riches and wealth beyond measure, with thirteen other skeletons of crystal. Through more and more evidence, the story of the creatures finally is complete to Indiana. These creatures came from someplace, and taught the early man how to farm, make aqueducts, etc. they also helped with the making of the Nazca lines. How they all died, the story never says. Anyway, Irina, through the triple crossing of Mack, arrives in time to take possession of the skull, and replace it on the empty neck of the one skeleton missing its head. Now that they are all joined, weird things start to happen. The roof collapses upward, all the pieces flying into a "portal to another dimension" that opens up in the roof, as Oxley called it. (He regains sanity when the skull is replaced.) The floor gives way just before Indiana and the rest escape out of there, the thirteen figures around the room start circling the room, the building falling to pieces and reassembling itself into something. Eventually, all the skeletons collide and create one living alien, who stares at Irina and vaporizes her, all her cronies being sucked up into the portal. Indiana and the crew escape up top to watch the whole plain around the temple fall apart, and assemble itself into a spaceship, which goes up into the sky and pow, disappears into "the space in-between space" as Oxley puts it. Indiana and the crew are amazed, go home, and him and his old girlfriend get married, and they and the son live happily ever after.
The Worldview.
This is what makes the movie so weird. About the only reason I gave you the whole movie story is to show how they elaborately build the story, only to leave you hanging in the end. If what this movie says is true, there are "aliens" in essence, then what are we supposed to do? Ignore them? Worship them? Follow them? Study them? What's the application? They give you a tremendous amount of theory, and then drops what this theory is supposed to mean to us out the window - rather frustrating.
The Good.
Like in SHL which I first reviewed, Indiana has a passion for teaching the younger generation. While being chased by the fake FBI, Mutt goes sliding through a library and wipes out. While Mutt gets his bike in order, Indiana stops to answer a students question, and gives a book and author reference before speeding off again with Mutt. His passion almost gets him in trouble when he starts to talk and give a lecture about quicksand - while sinking in it himself.
I like the fact that he marries the girl in the end. They could have easily gotten back "together" and been in the same place again, but they don't. I do appreciate that. SOME reminiscence of Biblical thinking there.
I also like the fact that one of Indiana's implied goals in this movie, is that he is trying to keep Irina from getting the skull so Lenin can take control of the human mind. It never comes out and says that's one of his goals, but it is sorta implied, along with the main goal of him trying to solve the mystery.
The Bad:
A minimal amount of cussing, the whole "alien" worldview that is so obvious, and one other main, and bad component. Way back when before the time frame of this movie, Indiana and his girl friend broke up the day before the wedding - and evidently she was pregnant. OBVIOUSLY something wasn't right there. So Indiana isn't as moral of a character as you first think.
Mutt is pretty rebellious. It is implied that he does it to try to be cool, and has purposely been bad in lots of schools to get himself expelled. He eventually comes around to being more respectful in the end, but it certainly doesn't start there.
Indiana also lets his passion for education be an idol, and he is rather mad that Mutt didn't finish school when he finds out that Mutt is his son, whereas he wasn't mad before. Obviously an idol problem.
The Rest:
Overall rating: 2 stars. One for a fascinating story progression, one for some good action. Not recommended       

1 comment:

  1. YOU! Leaving crazy comments on my blog ;) I love that you finished up with the ladies making cookies. No subtleness there, huh? See you tomorrow!


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