If you want to attract an honorable lady, be an honorable man.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Noah Today



I got this in my email today. It's too good not to share - oh no, far too good. Thought you all would get a good laugh, as I did. 

Enjoy ~
NOAH TODAY

cid:2482EE560A4746B5B1081CDE91B4F1BE@ws2
In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."cid:64EF26AED7A84EB1BB07712C4B11B16C@ws2
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."cid:271A41699E9F4314B21DF804C0624578@ws2
"I needed a Building Permit."







cid:BF927325BC2141C9A4EAD7D1DB52861B@ws2
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."






cid:BBBCC95429D346BBBB29B9276A2475F3@ws2
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my
back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."






cid:38687512EC964A09955334B5DF1D84EA@ws2
"Then the local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear none of it."






cid:E6C76FA937FB483DA5949348CFADEA3F@ws2
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"






cid:6FF3F722BBBA438BABE07DF67D36A5D9@ws2
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space."






cid:BFA340C157184674A49C1FD7C9CC3F3C@ws2
"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood."






cid:A1E545C76002468E84DB1EDE4D89539F@ws2
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."






cid:E61F711097A84E4CBCA5F636848BCE25@ws2
"The Immigration Dept. is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work."






cid:AD009A1B3D694925A704E3E0F006C3C4@ws2
"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."






cid:1974904477D2488BB72F9132BF9AAC0D@ws2
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."






cid:218CE725DCED44D3B85858ABC2E07A87@ws2
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."






cid:B5324C0BCFF24ECF85228F4AEA1277C6@ws2

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky." 


cid:5CE747B87B0C4126BE356767284A0DA5@ws2







Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"cid:3EC7A6D067AD4C0BAEEA9EE4C45EC952@ws2
"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."

6 comments:

  1. Bahahaha! Sheer brilliant hillarity. It'd be epicness at its best...

    ...if it weren't true. :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROFL, but alas too true.

    "The Government beat me to it..." lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha! That is kind of funny, but my favorite part was the pictures! ;) I love those pictures. They're beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That. Is. Awesome!!!!! LOVE it!!! LOL

    ReplyDelete

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