If you want to attract an honorable lady, be an honorable man.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


I just turned 20.


As I get older, and progress towards getting established and getting married, I am starting to wish I had got an earlier start on things. Looking at a meager amount of funds and comparing to the prices of a big-bad money crazed world, it gets a little depressing trying to envision raising a family.

Of course, I am trying to get things ready. I work on projects of my own to bring in money, I work here and there on other jobs to bring in funds, but it doesn't add it very fast, or at least not as fast as I would like.

I am beginning to wish I had gotten a gander on things a few years ago, had the *vision* to start saving more money, do more to get a business going, get started in a trade etc. I sorta played my life away and now I am trying to serious about things and am wishing I had gotten serious sooner.

Oh sure, I didn't do stupid, wasteful things, and didn't completely fool away my 20 years, it's just that I wasn't focused. I wasn't focused on marriage, work, jobs, income, etc. I wasn't focused on being spiritually mature enough to shepherd a family.

I was focused on fishing, hunting, politics, movies, games, knives, guns, boots, traveling from one focus to another, my focus reaching about as far out into the future as the tip of my nose (and I don't really have a long nose.....) never getting my attention off the small, menial here and now distractions. My goal wasn't to someday be the leader of a house, and provider of a house, and start planning and working at it accordingly. I thought it would all happen someday, and someday was very far away, and there was no need now to be distracted from the more interesting things in life for all that ..... grown up stuff.


Best lessons learned in life are learned the hard way.

Anyway, lately I have started to try to shake off that mental cage of adolescence. I am trying to focus here and now on what I need to focus on to be ready for marriage and family. Granted, I am pretty crummy at it, but by God's grace I will get there.

But I do have on tiny smidge of consolation, the problem is that smidge is also very disconcerting.

I am not alone.

I look around, and I see very few of my friends and acquaintances actually striving to be ready as well. It's a tad comforting - at least I am not alone out here, but knowing how devastating a position it is, it is also disconcerting.

We are not focusing on what we need to do and learn and know and have for family life. we put our time and energy into ...... trivial matters. They may be good, edifying things, sure, but is that what we are supposed to be doing?

Guys, is your focus (and no, I don't care how old you are) on be spiritually sound before the Lord, how to start making a solid income for a family, how to provide, protect, and stand in the gates for Christ? Can you run a household with all its intricacies and not bring the house down around your ears? I know I sure can't, and I have a ways to go.

Ladies, are you learning all the things you will need to know for your family? How to cook, clean, sew, wash, care for young children, run a budget, be productive with your hands, and otherwise all the stuff listed in proverbs 31? Are you?

And I don't mean that sort of mental back-burner thought of  'oh yeah, I am working on that - slowly ......'

I mean is it your focus. Is it the thing you think about, and are actively striving for? When you sit down from chores, and even as you do your chores, what is your mind whirring on? I think you will find that is your real focus - what you are unconsciously striving for. If your mind is non-stop spinning of things other than what they are supposed to be on, on how to be ready and how to start being ready today, you're probably wasting your time.

Now granted, I am not saying that there is a place for other things, for smaller, less important goals and tasks, but it can't be our long term focus, and it has to be only for a short season for a specific purpose. Sure, we can have fun together, we can go do fun stuff, but it can't be our goal, striving for it non-stop.

It's so easy to put it off till tomorrow, and go catch up on the black hole of fakebook. (no, that was not  typo...) It's so easy to focus on and be striving for the next good book, the next hunting season, the last good movie, the next time we all get together and hang out, and on and on, never on what we really are supposed to be focused on as young men and women.

But hey - we teach best what we need to learn most. : )

What I am trying to do here is encourage you guys out there to start encouraging each other to do what we are supposed to. When we get together, do we 'hang out', and talk about the latest random goofy?

Do we talk about the last funny movie, the last good book, the newest piece of gossip?

Or do we 'exhort one another daily, while it is called today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin'?

Seriously, when we get together, far to often all we do is yak and yak about  - useless stuff, honestly. Again, there may be an appropriate place for that, but far to often it is the only thing that is happening. We need to be getting out our sharpening stones and grinding each other up a bit - get down to those gritty matters about our spiritual life we really wish nobody knew.  It's time to let out walls down and let each other into the dark corners of our heart.

I am trying to encourage you to encourage others. We're supposed to do it, and honestly, it works wonders.

I am horrible at this, both encouragement and focus, probably - no, more than probably - because I don't have much focus myself. I am a very distracted person, and I struggle daily on doing what I should be doing, and not be caught up in some small, not so important, bunny trail that merely wastes time and goes nowhere.
But were all in this together right? I want to exhort you all here, to try to do my bit to spur my friends, my followers, and any other random person reading this, to stop being distracted with everything-else-but, and start focusing on what God has called you to do, and what he has you doing right now.

Doesn't matter what it is really, and way deep down you know what it is you should be doing that you are not. I am finding all humans are pretty much the same when it comes to their core heart matters, and I am guessing you all are not to different from me. : )

So, its time to stop wasting time. It's time to man up, woman up, be Christlike, and do what we are supposed to be doing.

And please, encourage me on this as well - I desperately need accountability, and it's time we all start stepping up to help one another. I'll try to help you all out there as well.

So lets do it guys - lets focus, lets die to selves, and lets take this world over for Christ.  


  1. Very true... We do need to focus on what our future families will require of us both materially and spiritually.....For me though, is is also far too easy to get caught up in what I need to do versus realizing that all of my spiritual growth is done by The Lord. It is so easy for me to forget that true repentance is just to surrender to Him.

    1. That is very true about God being the only one that can sanctify us - totally agree.
      That being the case, I was more referring to things we can do, like learning certain skills, having certain abilities, knowing certain things, that will all come to bear on marriage some day - so mostly physical stuff.
      But the Spiritual stuff can't be chucked by the side either! :)

  2. Thank you for this. I definitely have the wrong focus; I have been a huge tomboy most of my life, and I still am slightly. But now I'm mostly just lazy. :P Or... I'd much rather focus on other things, really, than learning the life skills I'll need in the future.

    This post helped remind me of things and put it into perspective.

    I'll be happy to help keep you accountable. :) I'll try my best, anyway.

    1. Hey Theo, glad you liked it. :)
      I totally relate - I want to just fool around, or be lazy, so I know what you mean. :/
      I would love any comments dropped reminding me to keep on keeping on. :) Thanks a heap.

  3. Amen, right there. We were discussing this at the table last night and my brother wisely stated "Godly men these days don't put an emphasis on learning to support and raise a family". Many are too busy being single and chasing frivolous things that, aren't by any means evil, but aren't fruitful. I'm proud of my parents for giving my brothers guidance and opportunity to further themselves in preparing for their future. Jacob (19) is nearly finished his apprenticeship as a fitter and machinist and will soon be a qualified tradesman, with Isaac (17) only a few years to go. Mum pushed me to do studies in business, and my days are often occupied with the overseering of laundry, meals and housecleaning. Even so, I can relate to Anna in getting caught up with the "doing" of things and forgetting the "being" in faith. Faith without works is dead, but without faith, there cannot be any good works. I can get caught up in daily regimes and not make time to pursue my spiritual walk with God. There needs to be both, you can't thrive without either one (plants needing both sun and rain come to mind).

    Thanks for the shove. We all need to be reminded on where we should be focusing at times.

    1. Flowers need sun *and* rain - I'm gonna remember that. You need faith and works - trials and blessing - hardship and rest.
      That simple phrase can have loads of meaning. Isn't it awesome how all these simple things in creation point to profound truths we (meaning me....) blindly stumble past and miss every day?
      Reason #4,582,931 for why I LOVE the outdoors. :)

  4. Ditto on Bush Maid's last sentence.

    If it's any consolation, I don't find that you are "horrible at encouragement." I don't have many friends whose conversation consistently drives me to try harder and walk closer to God, but you and Lis are two of them.

    "Start focusing on what God has called you to do, and what he has you doing right now." It's so easy to miss the forest for the trees and this is a good reminder to take a step back and refocus.

    BTW, the word "focus" always, ALWAYS, reminds me of your Mom :)

    1. Hey Rat! (I'm sorry, but that sounds just plain weird....)
      Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. :) Any little shove helps.
      Forest? Trees? What's that??
      Sorry, I couldn't help it.
      Anyway, good point. We get all wound up in small details and forget where we actually are trying to get to. Maybe we could say losing the desert for the cactus...
      That's funny about my mom. :) I'll tell her you said that.

    2. My mom wants to know what you mean, and why that reminds you of her. :D

    3. Well, it's just that at least once every time our families get together, some of us will be goofing off and Mrs. R will need you or Noah to do something. It's not always obvious that any of us are listening and so she'll say "David (or Noah), focus," and repeat the instructions. That and during The Great Cookie Escapade, when we were teasing you, Lisa sent me a string of emails and she quoted Mrs. R telling you to focus. And for some unknown reason, the whole "opening the fridge when you forget what you're doing" thing is associated with that word, as well. Basically, for a variety of random reasons, my brain has taken that word and attached it to your mother. I hope she's not hurt by that, I don't mean it that way. It's just a silly word association :)

  5. (side note...I don't really know what to call you. "Desert Rat" is too long, "Rat" just sounds atrocious, and "DR" are the initials of David. What to do, what to do...)

    Anyways...YES that is totally Mrs. R! I couldn't agree more with you. She is so good about reining us all back in when we start going haywire ;)

    And David, wonderful reminder. This has been something I've been force to think about a lot lately :)

  6. Hi, new guy here.
    Just thought that I would pop in here with my opinion. I would agree that it is very important for men and women alike to be preparing for life at as young an age as possible. I was raised and also personally believe that it is critical for everyone (especially young people) to know what direction they would like to go in their lives and start working towards it as early as possible.
    Unfortunately I did not get started on training for my career path until I was 20, and I will tell you that I wish I would have started sooner. I did not start saving up as soon as I should have and I did not start studying as soon or with the passion that I wish I would have.

    I also believe that everyone should have both long term and short term goals and have them written down somewhere. Whenever you complete one of your goals, mark it off of the list. And I am not just talking about personal work goals here, I am also talking about spiritual goals here. I have noticed, for most people, if they don't have their goals written down and have a clear direction, then they tend to flop from one thing to another and don't get as much accomplished.
    James 4:14-15 says "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that." (KJV)
    Best advice I can give, know that life is short and live for God in everything that you do. Get some goals and start working towards them, or else you will wonder what could have been.

    Okay, sorry about the long post, but I am done with my ranting now.


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